LOUIS XVI’S APPETITE
“The Sun King” loved to eat. Supper, anyway. His breakfasts and lunches were moderate, but around 10 P.M. he and his retinue pigged out. These banquets usually consisted of four different soups, a whole pheasant, partridge, chicken, or duck (stuffed with truffles), a large salad, mutton and ham slices, pastries, compotes (fruit desserts cooked in syrup), and jam (eaten straight, not on toast). Hundreds of spectators would witness this “grand couvert” (big service). Louis loved his orange juice. He had over 1,000 orange trees in tubs on wheels so they could be wheeled outside to get sunlight and rain. He cultivated over 500 types of pears in his gardens. They also grew pineapples and coffee beans. Wheat was grown at Versailles for fresh bread.
– Bathroom I 151-154
IT’S GOOD TO BE THE KING
Louis XIV was the greatest French king and probably the one with the best life ever. He became king at age 5, but he did not have to rule until age 23 when his chief minister died and was not replaced. He always ate alone. He never used a fork. A typical meal consisted of four different soups, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a large salad, two thick pieces of ham, a dish of mutton, pastries, fruit, and hard-boiled eggs. When he went to bed, a roast chicken, two loaves of bread, and two bottles of wine were placed on the bedside. The “Mona Lisa” hung in his bedroom. He once shot 250 birds on one hunt. As an old man, he hunted deer while reclining on a coach. He had a diamond-encrusted robe that was worth the equivalent of $25 million. He had battle scenes painted on his high-heeled shoes.
– maroon 123
BEATEN WITH HIS OWN LEG
Sir Arthur Aston was a professional soldier who commanded mercenary forces in the Thirty Years’ War. In 1642, he was back in England and he joined the king’s forces in the English Civil War. Somewhere along the way he lost a leg and it was replaced by a prosthetic. In 1648, he was commander of the Irish port of Drogheda. When the forces of Oliver Cromwell captured the city, Aston was taken prisoner. His captors were sure he had treasure hidden in his wooden leg. Aston refused to let them look, so they became enraged ang beat him to death with his wooden leg. They found no treasure.
https://historycollection.co/20-historical-events-seldom-taught-in-school/3
BONFIRE NIGHT
On Nov. 5, Brits get together to commemorate the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. They build a bonfire which they dance around. They sing chants and shoot off fireworks. They shout this poem: Remember, remember the firth of November / The gunpowder treason and plot / I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason / Should ever be forgot.” The climax is the burning of an effigy of Guy Fawkes. Who was this dude? After Henry VIII broke with the Catholic Church to create the Anglican Church in 1534, it was difficult being a Catholic in England. At times, they were persecuted. By 1605, some of them had had enough and plotted to overthrow the monarchy. A rich Catholic named Robert Catesby developed a plot to blow up the House of Lords. They needed an explosives expert and they found one in Guy Fawkes. Fawkes was a converted Catholic who had gone off to fight Protestantism for the Spanish in the Netherlands. Catesby recruited him. Fawkes was in charge of placing 36 barrels of TNT in a basement adjacent to Parliament. The plan was to blow up the House of Lords when the King James I, the royal family, and most of the leading nobles were there. Unfortunately for Guy, one of his co-conspirators ratted him out because he learned that there would be Catholics killed in the explosion. About to light the fuse, Guy and his helpers were arrested by the authorities. King James gave the green light to torture him, but Guy held out for a few days. When he was put on the rack, he gave the names of the other men who had been arrested with him. He was hanged and his head was put on a stake. Ever since then some British have celebrated his demise and the preservation of their monarchy and Protestantism. Plus, it’s a good excuse to get drunk.
– Amazing 288-290
TULIPMANIA
There once was a country that went cuckoo for tulips. Once upon a time there was a botanist named Carolus Clusius. He traveled through Europe admiring flowers and eventually became court physician and overseer of the royal medicinal garden for Austrian Emperor Maximilian II. In 1593, he settled down in the Netherlands and became head of the horticulture academy at the University of Leiden. He planted a teaching garden that included tulips donated from the Ottoman Empire. The beauty of the flowers created a sensation and soon tulips became a status symbol for the rich. And the rich had plenty of money as the Dutch Republic became a trade power in the 1600’s. All that cash fueled a mania to buy the most beautiful blooms. One sold for 6,000 florins at a time when the average worker made 150 per year. An unregulated futures market developed. The speculation usually took place in taverns. The mania reached its height in 1636-37. It all collapsed due to opposition from legitimate florists. They convinced the government to end the speculation, plus there was an oversupply of bulbs. Soon tulips were just a flower again.
– Amazing 475-77
CAPTAIN MORGAN
In 1944, the Seagrams company chose Captain Morgan as their symbol. Who was this pirate? Henry Morgan was born to a Welsh farmer. He somehow ended up in the Caribbean as an adventurer. He became friends with the deputy governor of Jamaica and married his daughter. In 1666, he joined an expedition to raid a Spanish settlement and when the leader was killed, Henry took command. Soon he was attracting followers and became the leader of a band of pirates called the Brethren of the Coast. Technically they were not pirates, they were privateers. A privateer is a pirate who is officially licensed by a government to prey on enemy shipping. England was at war with Spain, so the Brethren were serving their country and pocketing the loot. In 1668, Morgan led an attack on Porto Bello. He anchored far off shore and then canoed in. He captured a fort using nuns as shields. He ransomed the city for 100,000 pieces of eight. Next, he took Maracaibo. This time he used a fireship that was steered into the powerful Spanish flagship guarding the harbor. The ransom was 250,000. By now he was leading 2,000 men and 37 ships. He was generous in sharing the loot, he paid disabilities, and bonuses for bravery. Generous to his men, he could be cruel to his enemies. Captured prisoners were sometimes questioned by having a leather strap tightened around their head until their eyes popped out. In 1671, he led an expedition against Panama City (the second largest city in the New World). He led 1,000 men through the jungle to reach the city. They repelled an attack, killing 500 Spaniards. The siege turned when one of his men was hit by an arrow. Enraged, he yanked it out, wrapped a rag around it, set it on fire, and shot it out of his musket. The fire arrow hit the fort’s gunpowder supply causing a massive explosion. The city fell, but after Spain and England had signed a peace treaty. This made Morgan a war criminal and he was sent back to England for justice. He arrived a celebrity and King Charles II knighted him instead of punishing him. Sir Henry Morgan went back to Jamaica where he was Lt. Governor for many years. He bought three huge sugar plantations and lived a life of luxury. He was the most famous privateer of the 1600s. It’s unclear whether he liked to prop a leg up on a keg.
THE FEMALE DRACULA
Elizabeth Bathory was a Hungarian countess. Her husband was a general and she lived in a castle in the Carpathian Mountains. She surrounded herself with an entourage of witches, sorcerers, and alchemists. They convinced her that she could maintain her youth by bathing in the blood of virgins. When her husband was away on campaigns, she and her companions would go out at night in a black coach to hunt for victims. They would kidnap children and bring them back to the castle. They were tortured and chained up in the castle to drain their blood. When word got out, King Mathias II marched on the castle and arrested the countess. She was put on trial in 1611 for the murder of 50 people. Her accomplices were beheaded or burned at the stake. Because she was a aristocrat, she could not be sentenced to death. She was imprisoned in a small room in the castle with only small portions of food. It took her four years to die.
– Strange 555-6
THE BIRTH OF THE CROISSANT
In 1683, the Ottoman Turks laid siege to Vienna. During the siege, the Turks attempted to tunnel under the walls. Viennese bakers, working nonstop to feed the citizens, heard the digging and alerted the city. Later, an army led by King John III of Poland, lifted the siege. In honor of the victory and to taunt the Turks, the bakers designed a pastry that was shaped like the crescent on the Turkish flag. They called it the kipfel. In 1770, fifteen-year-old Marie Antoinette arrived in Paris for her wedding to King Louis XVI. Parisian bakers copied the kipfel and called it the croissant. It was a big hit. Interestingly, the bagel might also be traced back to the siege of Vienna. The bakers wanted to honor King John III with a pastry shaped like his stirrup. They called it the bugel.
– The Greatest War Stories Never Told pp. 38-39
MOZART BY A NOSE
Mozart once bet fellow composer Haydn that he could not play a composition that Mozart had written that day. Haydn accepted the bet and sat down at the piano with the music in front of him. He started out well, but then reached a part of the composition which was impossible to play because it required each hand to be on opposite ends of the keyboard and at the same time a note be struck in the middle. Giving up, Haydn turned the piano over to Mozart, who proceeded to play the note with his nose and won the bet. (This story may be apochryphal, but it sounds like something Mozart would have done.)
– maroon 22
BONFIRE NIGHT
On Nov. 5, Brits get together to commemorate the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. They build a bonfire which they dance around. They sing chants and shoot off fireworks. They shout this poem: Remember, remember the firth of November / The gunpowder treason and plot / I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason / Should ever be forgot.” The climax is the burning of an effigy of Guy Fawkes. Who was this dude? After Henry VIII broke with the Catholic Church to create the Anglican Church in 1534, it was difficult being a Catholic in England. At times, they were persecuted. By 1605, some of them had had enough and plotted to overthrow the monarchy. A rich Catholic named Robert Catesby developed a plot to blow up the House of Lords. They needed an explosives expert and they found one in Guy Fawkes.
THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK
One of the most famous characters in French literature is the Man in the Iron Mask. Voltaire first broached the story of the older illegitimate brother of Louis XIV (the product of a liaison between Queen Anne and Cardinal Mazarin). According to Voltaire, he was locked up in an iron mask. Alexandre Dumas picked it up from there and several movies ensued. Moviegoers and historians have wondered who the prisoner was for many years. Some theories have proposed a nobleman, a failed assassin, a disgraced general, the twin brother of the king, and even the playwright Moliere. The most likely candidate was a valet of the king named Eustache Dauger. He was imprisoned in 1669, which corresponds to the 1699-1670 time frame. He might have gotten involved in a political scandal. He fits the story of a man who was condemned to never have contact with anyone besides his guards. By the way, the mask was actually a black velvet mask. A recent book by historian Paul Sonnino supports the valet theory. He found evidence that Eustache Dauger was the valet of Cardinal Mazarin’s treasurer. He posits that Dauger found out about some financial malfeasance. Whoever the poor soul was, his 34-year imprisonment ended with his death on November 19, 1703.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_in_the_Iron_Mask
https://www.history.com/news/who-was-the-man-in-the-iron-mask
https://www.livescience.com/54669-man-in-the-iron-mask-identified.html
ALEXANDER SELKIRK – THE ORIGINAL CRUSOE
Alexander Selcraig (he changed his name later) was born in Scotland in 1676. He was an unruly child and once beat up his whole family because of a simple prank. Later, It was jail or the sea, so he signed on as a privateer (a government sponsored pirate). In 1704, he was on an expedition as the navigator of the ship Cinque Ports. The ship was participating in the War of the Spanish Succession, attacking Spanish ships and ports. The voyage was a bad one with lots of disease and hardships. The crew was mutinous and Selkirk led the complaining. His relationship with the captain was dysfunctional. When the ship anchored off a deserted island in the South Pacific, things came to a head. Selkirk demanded that he be left on the island because he felt the ship was dangerously unseaworthy. The captain called his bluff and left him. He was 28-years-old. Turned out Selkirk was right as the ship ended up floundering off the coast of Colombia. The captain and a few survivors were captured by the Spanish and suffered a harsh imprisonment. Selkirk had been left with a musket, hatchet, knife, cooking pot, bedding, clothes, and his Bible. He stayed on the beach at first, eating giant crawfish. But a herd of sea lions forced him to move inland. He built two shelters, one for cooking and one for sleeping. He used wild goats for meat and milk. He scrounged for fruits and vegetables. He read the Bible and sang psalms to occupy his time. One time he had to run and hide in a tree when Spanish chased him, but otherwise he had no contact with any humans. After four years and four months, a British privateer stopped at the island and he was rescued on Feb. 2, 1709. He returned to England where he was a celebrity. An author named Daniel Defoe read about him and was inspired to write a novel about a castaway named Robinson Crusoe.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Selkirk#Castaway
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-real-robinson-crusoe-74877644/
https://allthatsinteresting.com/alexander-selkirk
WAS CATHERINE HOWARD GUILTY?
Catherine Howard is forever known as “the wife who cheated on Henry VIII”. Since her death, historians have been torn between depicting her as anything between lusty whore and clueless vixen. Which is the true Catherine? Catherine was born the daughter of an impoverished noble. Because of the large number of children in the family, she was sent to be raised by an grandmother who had a large household. Catherine’s first “affair” was with her music teacher, Henry Manox. Starting around age 13, she allowed Henry to get to second base. There was fondling, but no sex. Having learned that her beauty could be used to attract men, Catherine moved on to Francis Dereham. Francis was closer to her social standing and a sophisticated young man. She met him when she was in the court of Queen Anne of Cleves. She and Dereham probably had sex. They openly courted as though they were engaged. She called him “husband”. But unfortunately for Dereham, the vivacious and curvaceous Catherine caught the eye of the King, who was disgusted with his wife. They were married in 1540 with no one telling the King that she was not a virgin. She was around 16 and he was 49 and getting increasingly obese. Not exactly what a sex-enjoying young woman could be satisfied with. She soon caught the eye of Thomas Culpeper. He was part of Henry’s entourage. Although he had the reputation of a rapist and possible murderer (this may have been added to his resume by the people who ended up condemning him), they started to meet behind closed doors. These meetings were chaperoned by her maid Lady Rochford. Culpeper caleed her his “sweet little fool” and gave him gifts. It is unclear if they had carnal relations. Regardless, Catherine was taking a big chance. She had made an enemy of Mary, Henry’s eldest daughter, and Archbishop Thomas Cranmer was suspicious of this tart. In 1541, Catherine foolishly agreed to add Dereham to her household. He proceeded to openly brag about his prior relationship to the Queen and wished that the King was out of the way. (Just to speak of such a thing was a crime by the Treason Act of 1534.) Such incredible indiscretions were bound to get Catherine in trouble. Mary and Cranmer were only to happy to rat out the trollop. Henry was enraged, mostly by the fact that his chaste bride had been with Dereham before him. Culpeper confessed under torture. Lady Rochford admitted she had facilitated the affair. The three were tried and found guilty, along with the Queen who admitted her error in keeping her past a secret. She did not admit to having sex with Culpeper. Culpeper was beheaded and Dereham was hanged, drawn and quartered. Their heads were impaled on spikes on London bridge. (Catherine probably saw them as she was barged to the Tower of London for her own execution.) She supposedly had the chopping block brought to her cell so she could practice laying her head on it. Catherine and Lady Rochford had their heads lopped off on Feb. 13, 1542. According to legend, her last words were “”I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper”. But more likely, she begged for forgiveness for herself and her family.
So, did she cheat on Henry? It seems very likely she cheated on him with Dereham before she met Henry. (I know this sounds odd, but it was against the law.) As to Culpeper, I lean toward no. It seems unlikely Lady Rochford would have risked her life for the couple.
https://www.thehistorypress.co.uk/articles/katherine-howard-vixen-or-victim/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_Howard
THE GUNPOWDER PLOT
British teachers probably know about the Gunpowder Plot like American teachers know the assassination of JFK, but for everyone else, here is the story of the origin of Bonfire Night.
In 1603, Elizabeth I died without an heir. The son of her cousin Mary Queen of Scots, James VI of Scotland was crowned as James I. Catholics, who had been persecuted under the reign of the Protestant Elizabeth, had hopes that James would be more lenient. He wasn’t. Robert Catesby, a devout Catholic, recruited like-minded plotters to assassinate James and many more. Their goal was to restore the Catholic monarchy and end persecution of Catholics. Once James was dead, his 9-year-old daughter would be kidnapped and then crowned a Catholic queen. But how to spark this coup?
The conspirators decided to go big. On the annual State Opening of Parliament on Nov. 5, 1605, they would blow up the House of Lords! Attending would be James and his family (not including Elizabeth), all members of the House of Lords plus many members of the House of Commons, the Privy Council, judges, and bishops. The assassins leased a building near Parliament that had a basement that extended under the House of Lords. Over a period of time, they smuggled 36 barrels of gunpowder into the basement. Guy Fawkes was in charge of the explosion. He was a veteran of the Dutch Revolt in the Spanish Netherlands, fighting for the Catholic Spanish.
Things unraveled after an anonymous person sent a letter to a English noble named Monteagle. The writer warned the Catholic Monteagle to avoid Parliament on Nov. 5. Monteagle passed the letter on to James I. His advisers determined that the letter was referring to some type of explosion. Parliament and all the buildings around were searched. On the night of Nov. 4, Fawkes was discovered in the basement guarding the barrels, which were behind a pile of wood. The searchers found Fawkes to be suspicious and upon a thorough search, the gunpowder was discovered. His co-conspirators fled the city. Catesby and several others took refuge in Holbeche House near Staffordshire. Having ridden through rain, they decided to dry their gunpowder by spreading it near the fire in the chimney! A spark set it off, injuring several. The morning of Nov. 8, a force of 200 men under a sheriff besieged the house. Several of the conspirators were shot dead, including Catesby. The survivors, plus other men associated with the plot, were sentenced to be hanged, drawn, and quartered. On Jan. 31, 1606, Fawkes and others were led to the gallows. Fawkes jumped off the ladder leading to the hangman. He died of a broken neck.
The Gunpowder Plot being foiled is celebrated in Great Britain as Bonfire Night. Bonfires are lit, there are fireworks, and an effigy of Guy Fawkes is burned. I think Catesby would be upset to know that it is not his effigy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunpowder_Plot
https://www.history.com/topics/british-history/gunpowder-plot