LITTLE MORON JOKES – Did you hear about the little moron who:
– stayed up all night to study for a blood test
– had all his teeth pulled out so he could have more gum to chew
– took the bus home, but his mother made him take it back
– ate five pennies so he could see the change in himself
– ran around the bed trying to catch some sleep
– got off the bus backwards because he heard a lady was going to grab his seat when he got off
– went into the closet to change his mind
– went into the living room because he thought he was going to die
– thought Manuel Labor was the President of Mexico
– took a hammer to bed so he could hit the hay
– moved to the city because he heard the country was at war
– thought shoes grow on shoe trees
– wouldn’t buy a dictionary until it was made into a movie
– took the rug off the floor so he could see the floor show
– threw his clock out the window so he could see time fly
– thought a hot dog was a stolen poodle
– slept in the fireplace so he could sleep like a log
– cut a hole in the top of his umbrella to see if it was raining
– got his name when the bus driver said “no more on”
– Why did the little moron lie in the sun for hours? he wanted to be the toast of the town
– Why did the little moron rob a glue factory? he wanted to be a stick-up man
– Why did the little moron buy clothes for his lawyer? he heard the lawyer had lost his suit
– Why did the little moron put iodine on the window? he heard it had a pane
– Why did the little moron stand on the ladder to sing? he wanted to reach the highest notes
– Why did the little moron flood the football field? he wanted to be a sub
– Why did the little moron become a bus driver? he wanted to tell people where to get off
– Why did the little moron put a clock under the bed? he wanted to sleep over time
– Why did the little moron but a short coat? he heard it would be a long before he got another one
– Why did the little moron climb up on the roof? he heard the drinks were on the house
– Why did the little moron chew gum on the train? because the engine said “chew, chew”
– Why aren’t there any more little moron stories? because he was in a submarine and decided to open the window
maroon
LIFE IN 1940
– population – 132 million / 23% lived on farms
– life expectancy – 61 for men / 68 for women
– average wage – .62/hour 22.30/week 1,230/year
– average car price – $1,200 gas = .20/gallon
– age at first marriage – 24 men / 21.5 women
FIRSTS
1940 – 5 cent jukebox, air raid shelter in America
1941 – Cheerios
1942 – Daylight Savings Time, Kellogg’s Raisin Bran
1943 –
1944 –
1945 – frozen orange juice, atomic bomb
1946 – NBA, electric blanket, FDR dime, Tide, Timex watch
1947 – Almond Joy, Sony, Cannes Film Festival
1948 – garbage disposal, Scrabble, Dial soap
1949 – Volkswagen cars in America, no African-American lynched (in 20th Century)
JIVE TALK
– barbeque = girlfriend / beautiful woman
– beat up the chops = talk
– corny (also “off the cob”) = old-fashioned
– cubby = room / home
– cut rate = low, cheap person
– dime note = $10 bill
– frame = body
– got your boots on = you are wise
– hep cat = cool guy / someone who gets jive talk
– icky = stupid, person who doesn’t get jive talk
– in the groove = perfect
– jeff = boring person
– killer-diller = thrilling
– main queen = favorite girl friend
– mitt pounding = applause
– pink = a white person
– pounder = policeman
– rug cutter = very good dancer
– salty = angry
– sharp = neat, smart, well-dressed
– square = uncool person
– take it slow = be careful
– togged to the bricks = well-dressed
– words for ugly women = battle, faust, frumpy
– words for something good = blip, dicty, hard, home-cooking, mess, mezz, solid
Uncle 8 93-94
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING COLLISION – 56 years before 9/11/2001, the Empire State Building was hit by a plane. In this case, it was an accident. Capt. William Smith, Jr., who had survived bombing missions in Europe during World War II, was piloting a B-25 Mitchell bomber from Bedford Army Air Field in Massachusetts to Newark Air Port in New Jersey. Due to dense fog, he was unable to land. He made a wrong turn due to the fog and flew into the 79th floor of the tallest building in New York City at 9:40 A.M. on Saturday, July 28, 1945. Smith and his two passengers were killed as well as eleven workers at the National Catholic Welfare Conference offices. Since it was a Saturday, less people were killed. The collision left an 18 by 20 feet hole in the building. One of the engines went completely through the building and landed on another building. An elevator operator named Betty Lou Oliver survived a 75 story plunge, setting a world record that still stands. thevintagenews.com
THE ”ONE-ARMED WONDER”
Pete Gray was born on March 6, 1915. He was a regular kid until a wagon accident at age 6. He fell off a moving wagon and got his right arm caught in the wheel spokes. He had to have his arm amputated at the elbow. Pete loved baseball and did not want to give up the sport. He taught himself to bat left-handed, but the biggest challenge was fielding. “I’d catch the ball in my glove and stick it under the stub of my right arm,” Pete said. “Then I’d squeeze the ball out of my glove with my arm and it would roll across my chest and drop to my stomach. The ball would drop right into my hand and my small, crooked finger prevented it from bounding away.” He got so good at both hitting and fielding that he made it to the minor leagues. In 1941, he wanted to leave his career and join the Army after Pearl Harbor. He was turned down because of his disability. In 1944, he had his best year in the minor leagues. He batted .333 with 63 steals and 5 home runs. He was the Southern League MVP. In 1945, the St. Louis Browns brought him up to the major leagues. Some considered it a publicity stunt and a move to boost attendance. For this reason, he was resented by his teammates. The fact that he was not successful did not help. It did not take long for major league pitchers to figure out that he had trouble with curve balls, although he seldom struck out. He hit only .218, but fielded well. He played in 77 games in left field. Off the field he was an inspiration for disabled vets as he visited military hospitals and rehabilitation centers. He always made sure he pointed out that carrying a gun into combat (which he had wanted to do) was braver than using a bat with only one arm. After the unsuccessful 1945 season, he returned to the minor leagues for several years. His glove is now in the Baseball Hall of Fame. In 1986, a TV movie was made about him entitled “A Winner Never Quits”.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Gray
https://bleacherreport.com/articles/68039-the-touching-story-of-pete-gray
https://www.baseballhistorycomesalive.com/pete-gray-he-did-it-with-one-arm/
THE ELEVATOR GIRL
Have you ever survived two extremely unusual life-threatening disasters in one day? Betty Lou Oliver was one of the rare individuals who could have answered yes to that. Betty was on duty as an elevator operator on the morning of July 27, 1945. It was a normal day, until a B-25 Mitchell bomber slammed into the Empire State building between the 78th and 80th floors. Lt. Col. William Smith, Jr. had gotten disoriented by a thick fog and flew into the building, killing himelf, his two passengers, and 11 people in the building. Betty was thrown from her elevator on the 80th floor and suffered severe burns. Firefighters quickly put out the fire, thus setting a record for highest major fire ever put out. Betty was given first aid and put in an elevator for her trip to the hospital. The damaged elevator cables snapped and Betty had some time to have her 20-year life flash before her eyes as she plunged to her death. Miraculously, she survived, but with a broken pelvis, back, and neck. She still holds the record for longest surviving elevator drop. She got her fifteen minutes of fame as “The Elevator Girl” and then went on with her life. But not as an elevator operator, of course. She had three kids. She probably cared little when they fell down and skinned a knee. She died at age 74.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1945_Empire_State_Building_B-25_crash
SMOKEY BEAR
On August 9, 1944, the U.S. Forestry Service authorized the creation of a baby bear symbol for firefighting efforts by the public. WWII was underway and there were fewer firefighters because many joined the military. The public was enlisted to fight fires. Part of it was war related as the Japanese had floated balloon bombs across the Pacific to start fires in the West. Artist Albert Staehle was commissioned to do the poster, which came out on Oct. 10. The original slogan was “Smokey Says – Care Will Prevent 9 Out of 10 Forest Fires”. The bear in the poster was named Smokey after “Smokey” Joe Martin who was a hero of the New York Fire Department for his leadership in fighting the huge “Greenwich Street Volcano” warehouse fire of 1922. The poster began the longest running public service campaign in American History. In 1947, the slogan was changed to “Remember…Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires”. The living embodiment of Smokey was a 5 pound, 3 month old black bear cub found in the Capitan Gap Fire in New Mexico in 1950. The cub hid in a tree and was found by firefighters. It had burnt paws and hind legs. It was taken to a hospital and ended up in the National Zoo of Washington, D.C. Nicknamed “Hotfoot Teddy” at first, this was quickly changed to Smokey Bear to attach him to the poster campaign. Publicity made the bear famous and he was a big tourist attraction at the zoo for the next 26 years.